At last Mosturisers' Corner has found a corner of the web where it can lay its foundations (which must be removed before bed to avoid skin problems).
For the unwise and retarded Moisturisers' Corner is a safe haven for men who, err well how do we put this? 'moisturise'. Yes that's right MOISTURISE!! We can moisturise too you know, in fact in years to come you will thank us for it.
Anyway some men are shy about moisturising and as a result they don't talk about it. This causes a problem - moisturising knowledge is not being shared. Most men are floundering about putting cream in all the wrong places and at the wrong times. When to moisturise? where? can I do it publicly? are there any nasty side-effects? can one do it too much? when to moisturise and when not to? You will find answers to all these questions and questions Man hasn't even dreamt up yet (We haven't touched upon Alien moisturising techniques yet, but one day...) here at Moisturisers' Corner. The man to guide us on our journey to firmer, younger, healthier looking skin is none other than moisturising legend Andy Taylor. He will answer questions, no matter how silly they may seem.
So put your seaweed, ox-musk and cucumber face mask on, sit back, relax and read on.
Happy moisturising.
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Daily Tip for the 19th of february,as today is quite a high sun factor day, for all you wobbling wobblers, a nice clean face wash with a cold flannel will be essentail,i would then apply a light coating of circa 1978 mazola !! this will both soothe the skin and give you a hint of chip fat , also ideal if on the pull on the mean streets of turin after midnight.
ReplyDeleteYou haven't answered my early question.
ReplyDeleteWhich hand do I use to apply Nivea Visage to the face and which hand to the bottom? I hear that in certain Middle Eastern countries it is frowned upon to use the left hand to apply cream to the buttocks.
ahhhh good question Stu, in europe we use the right hand for the buuuutocks and left hand for the face...i would however advise for botty hole area the use of an industrial marigold with the in built ridges as this helps with getting to the areas other creams dont reach,,c.o heineken cold cream.
ReplyDeletethe ancient patagonians used sheeps intestines for early versions of such moisturising aids...i have seen onje of these and it can be viewed in the moisturising mueseum in santiago chile, which is quitea hoot.
Thanks Andy that's cleared that one up, but I have another question now.
ReplyDeleteI've heard rumours that David Dickinson mixes Tesco value moisturiser with Wotsits to get that 'Orange Glow' we're all desperate for. Do you know if there is any truth to it?
ahhh great question... to wit ..i think i am somewaht able to answer quite clearly....
ReplyDeletedavid is actually an old family friend of my late aunt judith, so i am quite priveleged to know his technique.
he actually uses his wifes more expensive lancome cream which gives him a quality he feels he needs and a deeper glow. he also like the ladyness of such a quality cream. the orange glow actually comes from an allergic reaction from his days as a shift supervisor at sellafield during the mid 60s.
tip of the day...dont forget your feet are your friends too , get plenty on your heels if your running daily..
Thanks for clearing that up.
ReplyDeleteFunny story:
I bumped into Jean Claude Van Damme in the pub last night and we got chatting over a pint of the black stuff. I nipped to the loo and when I got back I noticed that the head of my Guinness and Jean's had disappeared. Anyway we drank those and I ordered another pair of pints. I was temporarily distracted by something and again I noticed the heads of both our pints had gone AWOL again! I asked Jean what was going on and that's when he confessed. He said he collects the heads from pints of Guinness in a little jug and uses it to moisturise his buttocks. He reckons it keeps them firm and gives them a silky sheen. Have you ever heard anything like this?
MMM ahh you do get to meet a few celebes there stuey, well basically its not an unkown thing to use beer creams , david niven and the late cary grant use to lube ieach other up with stout ales in the late 50s. lattery in the 70s ian botham and alan lamb used tetleys bitter and more up to date jamie theakston has kept it in the family with theakstons old peculiar.
ReplyDeletetip of the day the residue oil from sardine containers can be used to sother ones sunburnt thighs, buit swimming after is recommemded as the juice can attract sharks and cardiff girls
Opened a can of worms there, mmmm tasty!
ReplyDeleteA mate of mine was round Cliff Richard's house the other week fitting some new taps. Whilst tinkering away with his nuts in Cliff's bathroom he noticed a tin of Dubbin in Cliff's washbag. Is it possible that Cliff uses the Dubbin as some sort of age-defying moisturiser-type preservative?
wow .... i really hope it was chelsea dubbin,bring me back to my youth and moisturing days..not only good for the old rugger boots but very good for leathery old celebs too.ill puta tennr on that cliff does infact use the dubbin to retain his gaunt yet sort of orange glow. I would recommend a product called renpur availaible every year at the south of england show"as well as nice sports jackets"
ReplyDeleteitsa oil based dubbin for shoes faces and he thighs of old bum banditos..
thora hird and david bellamy both swear by its anti ageing properties..
It obviously works for them.
ReplyDeleteI just got myself one of those bald cats, you know like the one Dr. Evil has in Austin Powers. Do you think I should moisturise it or will its saliva do the job for me when it licks itself?
tut tut... it quite simple here thise bald cats dont actually need moisturising, if you look on there underside the instructions clearly say varnish monthly, been a keen pussy fan i regulary dip my favoutite pussy in toa tub of ronseal, it does exactly waht it says on the tin
ReplyDeleteThe sun has now deceided to show its face which surely means spring must be around the corner.even a n hour in these conditions can chap and dry the skin.. a good face full of utterly butterly before bed will really soften the tissue.
ReplyDeleteHI and good day to all you happy moisturisers out there, next week is the birthday of the legendary Blue stratos aftershave, now i know you really want to spalsh it all over like henry cooper would , beware the alcohol in these things can be quite damaging to the skin, dot cotton for example has used it for years and look how old he/she is.
ReplyDeleteif your going to spalsh it all over make sure its liberally, for safety in the man pant zone ony a sprinkle on the pubis arae will do.the legendary singer and good friend of mine engelbert humperdiinck used the liberal technique in his pulling days whilst based with the navy at falmouth in 68.
happy splashing and moisturising
Rumour has it that pop princess Beyonce keeps her cleavage in tip top condition by popping a puppy covered in baby oil down there twice a day. Chow Chow puppies are apparently the weapon of choice due to their super soft high volume fur coats (First pioneered by Rula Lenska back in the 80s).
ReplyDeleteyou really have done your home work,the chiw puppy and oil technique has been around for vcenturies rula lenska actaully used tate and lyle golden syrup and then her hubby dennis waterman would roll his head in her cleavage this gave hera chest wax and left her oiled and quite sugary too. dennis waterman is still terriefied of treacle tarts to this very day, !!!!
ReplyDelete